I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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