halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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