why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
