So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
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