Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
