Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
