yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
