just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize