So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
