Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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