6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
