Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
