Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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