Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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