woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
