I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
How does one acquire holy water?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
