12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just had sex on a roof
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
