today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
