I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
home. puking in laundry basket.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
