Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
