wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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