Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize