Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
