if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
