your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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