when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
