Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
