You really coming over, don't trick.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i can't believe i had my finger in that
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
