So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
