I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
