dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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