are you still at the devil's house?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just gift wrapped bread.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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