She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize