So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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