the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
