"it" just moved
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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