I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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