"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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