Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
