Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
