Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize