a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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