cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
