It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Life without a bra equals bliss.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize