He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
