You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
