Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
