She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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