Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
