Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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