If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
