All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
