I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
