He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I had to cum in my sink.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
