Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
