I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
