I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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