Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
