Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
