Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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