I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
