If i could tip my vagina, i would.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
