1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
