he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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