you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
