Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
