the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
