I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
third nipple confirmed
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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