would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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