I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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